It’s February.
Hearts and flowers.
Love spelled out
in awkward hours.
A day set up
in celebration
Of a single word
in a context bold.
But what of those
who now grow old
in love grown cold
alone?
Single is such a lonely word. And a free word. It doesn’t have to be an alone word, but context makes it so. Every event, it seems is designed for the sharing of it. And let’s face it, even having the possibility of a someone who might just stay for a while makes spending time in the community of couples a bearable experience, for one day, it might be you.
And falling in love is fun. The crush, the butterflies, the constant texting, the feeling of being wanted and necessary. The temporary overriding of good sense… loving, perhaps, not wisely, but too well (I think I’ve borrowed that from Shakespeare). Loving too well: the act of investing oneself entirely from the onset of a relationship, regardless of repercussions.
You know, I don’t think I do anything by halves. I tend to be present in all experiences and relationships. My immediate moments are my focus… unless I am trying to fall asleep, and then tomorrow’s list, or all I should do instead of taking this nap, loom like an adrenaline inducing weather emergency, but I digress. I rather invest myself in relationships, and people, and nothing so upsets my apple cart, as limbo. Commitment isn’t scary, and choosing to love someone isn’t difficult. Letting someone love me isn’t at all awful either, though, I have found that it is a catalyst for some uncomfortable but necessary healing. So many people would say that working on oneself while you are single is what makes your next relationship more successful than the last. It’s true, but there is something to be said for the process of learning in a relationship as well, no matter how long or short. The things that chafe us in another person, friend or lover, usually do so for a reason and taking a moment or two to understand why, could be the sense in the senseless heartbreak of a good bye.
There are no useless relationships. Loving someone too well will always lead to one’s own growth if it is allowed to do so. Human refinement happens in community. It may begin in the isolation of self reflection, but I put it to you, that it is hypothetical healing until the muscle of the heart is put into training. It is the beautiful thing about the interconnected reality of the world. Some might call it the universal body of Christ… others, simply the Universe. However one may need to see it, at the core of Life itself is the Source of Love. It is the energy that spoke us into being. It cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred. And therefore, using it never runs a deficit.
If I feel used up by a person, there was something grossly unhealthy about the relationship, and my own boundaries were in places that did not reflect the value I have as a person. If this is true, I could have loved too much, but not wisely. The wisdom is not in the choice of who we love, as much as it is in how we love ourselves. If this is done properly, two things will happen: we will choose to allow into our deepest being, people who have a right to be there, if only for a time and a purpose, and we will grieve changing or severed relationships without having to form a hatred for someone who has let us down. Each of us is as human as the other. Our pasts overlap into our present, and relationships are messy. But the key to seeing other people accurately, is getting to know where the windows we look at them through are cracked, foggy, or dirty on our side of the glass. When things hurt, allow them to reveal why. And embrace yourself. Too often, we fail to do this, and become our own worst enemy. It’s ok not to like our actions and desire to change, especially to realize that our poor behaviour is the result of unhealed wounds. But don’t hate the vessel. Your design is perfect. My design is perfect. The healing of wounds when we choose to lean in instead of pulling away tends to clean both sides of the window, and the design begins to gleam and shine without inhibition.
The greatest Valentine we could ever have, is at the very core of our own Being. The very Source of life. The One to whom we are the perfect manifestation of many pleasant thoughts. Out of this Source, we live, move, heal and love. For these things, there are endless resources. There is no love lost, only love allowed to flow. And like fresh water, it perpetually cleans and provides life.
I want to love both wisely and well. As a part of a family, as a friend, and as a lover. But none of this can be done in isolation, and it will never happen if I hold myself back from attempting depth in my relationships. It will also never happen if I never try. I am not so much putting myself out there, as choosing to engage in the present, whatever it may be. When a river of love flows from the core of my being, knowing another human, and myself within the context of that relationship is Valentine’s day. Giving the gift of my authentic being is not ever a waste. And wounds heal. One might even say that love relationships are the gift the Maker gives to reveal the people he imagined. We look so good, in love…